Chocolate pie with whipped cream. Oh my sweet Lord, it is all I can think about today. As soon as a free moment enters my day, there it is, its gooey, chocolatey, whiteness gleaming back at me in full, sensual, naked glory.
You may think I'm dramatising my craving a little for effect. I wish. I've been stuck at my computer all day, writing advertorials and restaurant reviews, the kind that involves lots of ringing people up and no actual eating of any restaurant food. What kind of job is that? It sucks. And though I am a) Taurean, and thus astrologically pre-disposed towards all puddings that are-naughty and involve chocolate, and b) prone to transfering my deep needs for love/sex/mothering onto any foodstuff with the word 'indulgent', 'creamy', or '70% cocoa' on the label, I can safely say that today's longing is strictly medical .
Having just started my period today, my hormones are kicking in to provide me with not only a feeling like I am mainlining valium into my brain,(not that helpful when in the midst of working to a deadline) but also that if I do not eat chocolate pie, and if it is not laden with the largest dollop of thick whipped cream that is possible to spoon on in one go, I will not be responsible for my actions. Everytime I shut my eyes, the sweet squishy image there reminds me that this is no idle threat.
It is now 4.19. I note that my first cravings began at 1.40pm. I feel the way one does when one first falls in love with someone who you know is just plain bad for you, but your rational mind is powerless to intervene. That damn Kylie Minogue song keeps returning to me, "I just can't get you out of my head.. you're all that I ever think about ..". Sure. Every night, every day, just to be there in your arms .. oh dear.
Surely it is not right for a pudding to hold such power over me? To tantalise me, its pale-brown filling wobbling ever-so-slightly? Its crust, crumbling under the firm touch of my finger. The swell of cream, burgeoning over the side of the plate like wild sea foam crashing against hard rock. It is not right, I tell you.
The truth is, today, I am a victim of my female biology.
Now bring me pie. Please!!